The Sin of Ingratitude

A lot of people look at my life from the outside and say that I’m doing well. I’m working full time in my field straight out of college, I’m also a dance teacher, I do some freelance editing, and I still train and take dance classes on a regular basis. That right there is a lot to be thankful for. So why has this past year been the hardest of my life?

Before I graduated, I had a vision of what my life would look like post-graduation. I would have moved as far away from the south as possible, been living on my own, dancing in a company, teaching dance, making new friends, living my best life, etc. I didn’t know that a year later I would be living with my parents back in Nashville and working a full-time office job.

My senior year and the summer afterwards were filled with many unfruitful auditions which resulted in a lot of rejection. When I came back home to Nashville, I decided to take an unpaid position with a small local dance company. I’ll just say that the starving artist life is not for me, and I felt like I wasn’t utilizing the academic portion of my degree, so I decided it was better for me to work full time and continue to pursue dance in the evenings. I started believing God for a full-time editing position and boom, it came to pass.

I don’t know if I’m the only one who does this, but sometimes God blesses me with something I asked for, and I still find something to complain about. God provided me with a new job almost as soon as I started looking, and yet I still found myself griping and complaining. Why was I still in Nashville? Why was I working a desk job when all my friends were dancing full time? Why did I have to go train and teach after work when everyone else got to go home? I was working full-time, going to dance for hours straight after work, teaching and choreographing the nights I wasn’t at dance, and engaging in freelance work as well. I was stressed out about all my responsibilities, and angry that it seemed like I had so much on my plate while other people had so little. I was supposed to be excited about this new season in my life, but instead I was exhausted, angry, and even more frustrated with my lot in life than I was before.

I went on like this for several months. I knew I should have been thankful for the new job, but instead I was bitter. I was focused on the success of everyone around me while failing to see my own. It seemed like everyone I knew was getting booked for a dance job, signed by an agent, or moving out of state for a big dance opportunity. They were living out my dreams, meanwhile I was sending my reel to every audition I heard about, trying to get an agent here in Nashville, and praying to God asking, “When is it going to be my turn?” Why was I stuck here doing this, when everyone else was out there doing that?

Then it hit me, all the things I’d been complaining about were the things I had the privilege to do. I got to use my degree and work a job in my field, I got to teach dance to wonderful students, I got to choreograph and present my work onstage, I got to take class and continue to improve and practice my craft. God had been blessing me the whole time, and I’d been too busy thinking about what my life was supposed to look like, that I didn’t appreciate the good things He’d been showering me with.

The Bible instructs us to “rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for [us] in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16). God has allowed me to see a glimpse of my future, and sometimes it’s felt like the best and worst thing that’s happened to me. I can see where I’m going to be, but I’m not there yet and sometimes that’s incredibly frustrating. But instead of being ungrateful for where I am, I can use the vision He’s given me to rejoice in what the future holds. The glimpse into my future was made specifically for times like this in my life, where it looks like there’s no way that what I’ve seen is going to happen. It serves as encouragement and a reminder that no matter what it looks like, God’s plan will still come to pass in my life.

Through this year, I’ve realized that this season in my life is preparation for greater things that are to come. Part of this preparation is learning how to deal with attacks from the enemy, and it often feels like I’m getting hit by something left and right. But James 1: 2-4 encourages us to “Consider it pure joy…whenever [we] face trials of many kinds, because [we] know that the testing of [our] faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that [we] may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.” This season was, and is, testing my faith to see if I’m going to continue to believe the vision God has shown me despite what my life looks like right now.

Paul tells us in Philippians 4: 12 that he has “learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Deep down, I was afraid that if I ever became content with my new life, then I would become complacent. If I was satisfied working my desk job, I would lose my drive to pursue dance full time. If I started making friends in Nashville, I would lose my desire to leave this city. If I fell in love with teaching, I would lose my passion to perform. But contentment does not equal complacency. Paul’s secret was that he relied on Christ to give him the strength to endure every situation and circumstance he found himself in.

I like to think of the scripture this way: “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether in preparation or in my destination. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” It takes a lot of strength to be content with our lives while still striving for something better. And Christ so graciously gives us that strength and helps us to be thankful to God in all things, whether we’ve arrived at our destination, or are still on our way.