To the Christian woman who feels overlooked...

I John 3:1b: The reason the world does not recognize who we are is that they didn’t recognize Him. (TPT)

Therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew Him not. (KJV)

 

* Note: I originally wrote this on March 24, 2021, and I just got around to posting this. I’m in a much better head space now, but I think it still needs to be shared.

I’m reading a not-yet-published devotional I finished in March 2020 (I'm going through the devotional for myself because I really need it right now.) and 1 John 3:1 was listed in one of the chapters focusing on validation. I’m fairly certain that I originally put it in concentrating on part a: “Look with wonder at the depth of the Father’s marvelous love that he has lavished on us! He has called us and made us his very own beloved children." But today, the Holy Spirit had me read the second part of the verse, and tears formed in my eyes. 

I’ve been at a low point recently, feeling like a zombie version of myself. Insecure, sad, lonely, and participating in sins I thought I had crucified and killed last summer. I’m two months post-breakup, and my feelings finally caught up to me after throwing myself into dance, teaching, choreographing, audition filming, and completing deadlines at work.

I started to wonder why it seemed like guys couldn't see the good things I saw in myself. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I felt like I was a jewel in plain sight. And even when I was in a relationship, I felt like my partner still didn’t recognize my value. I was insecure because we broke up after dating no longer than 3 months, and I wondered why that seemed to be the standard length of all my relationships. When was I going to be in a long-term relationship? What was wrong with me that I couldn’t keep a man? I was embarrassed after our breakup, and it opened up deep, old wounds of insecurity. I made the mistake of spiraling and letting my mind wander. I started thinking of why guys don’t notice me, and how I just really wanted to be noticed. It felt like I was literally being overlooked. (Side note: In hindsight, I look back and think maybe God has allowed me to be overlooked by the wrong people because He was protecting me?) I wondered why my dating history has been so short, sparse, and short-lived. I wondered why I don’t get male attention. Why did I feel so undiscovered? 

But then that verse: “The reason the world does not recognize who we are is that they didn’t recognize Him.” (TPT) This. This is the reason some people don’t recognize what exactly I am. And it might be the reason people don't recognize everything you are, too. If they don’t recognize and know Jesus, how can they recognize the value in me? My love of God is what should make me attractive. It sets me apart. But if a man doesn't value Jesus, how can he truly value me?

If you feel like no one sees you, maybe they don’t. And that’s okay. People can’t recognize your immense value unless they first recognize Jesus. The world doesn’t see it; they can’t. Sometimes when we think of the world, we think of blatantly immoral people or the type of people we would never date. Sometimes, though, the world is packaged as a really great guy with decent morals and a little bit of money. But if he’s not a faithful follower of Jesus, he won’t see the thing that makes you truly precious. The thing that sets you apart and makes you far more valuable than rubies. It’s not cooking skills, it’s not being a fashionable dresser, it’s not being physically attractive. You can have all of that and some people still won’t see it. But if a man recognizes Jesus, he’ll recognize Jesus in you. He’ll see that you’re a woman of prayer, a woman who studies the Word, a woman who lives according to God’s statutes, and he’ll see the gem that you really are. He'll see your love for the Lord that sets you apart and makes you beautiful.

It sucks sometimes—feeling overlooked. Maybe the enemy is trying to convince you that something is wrong with you because no one seems to see you. Going unnoticed doesn’t mean you don’t have value, it just means some people can’t see it. Surround yourself with Jesus-lovers. If they can recognize Jesus, they can recognize the value in you.

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