Standards: Waiting for the right one instead of settling for the right now

Today, being in a relationship has become a god in our society. We idolize romantic relationships; making movies, TV shows, and songs about it. We plaster the words “relationship goals” to every cute couple on social media. And we even get bitter when we see our friends dating while we’re still single. The desire to be in a relationship isn’t necessarily bad, but when we start to settle just for the sake of being in a relationship then we hit dangerous territory.

In times of singleness, it’s often tempting to settle for someone less than God’s best in order to satisfy our desire of being in a relationship. When we choose to settle, we’re telling God we don’t really believe that he will bring us the person we really want. As hard as it is, if they’re missing something you find crucial, then it’s best to let them go.

We all have a dream of what our perfect mate would be. In the qualities we look for in our significant other, there are things that are negotiable and things that are not negotiable. These, of course, will be different for everyone. But on the list of things that are not negotiable, one thing should be at the very top of every Christian’s list: Someone who really loves Jesus. Sometimes we can get caught up in our emotions when we start to enter into a new relationship and we don’t always see as clearly as we need to. In my life for example, many guys I’ve met are not Christians or say they’re Christians yet don’t live a godly life. As a Christian, someone who is a fellow believer is at the top of my list of non-negotiables. Paul writes to the church in 2 Corinthians 8:14 not to “be teamed with those who do not love the Lord… [For] how can a Christian be a partner with one who doesn’t believe?” It can be easy to overlook the most important quality and end up settling, especially when the person seems great in every other area. But continuing in a relationship where you are unequally yoked will only be detrimental to your faith.

In addition to spiritual standards, there are also other qualities that are nonnegotiable for each individual. God has made each person differently, therefore everybody has different qualities they want in a mate. Looks, humor, personality, job, etc can all be nonnegotiable qualities. (Disclaimer: I’m not saying you should be unrealistic. For example, as a college student a nonnegotiable for me isn’t someone who makes six figures, it’s just someone who has a job.)

In Genesis chapter 15 God promises Abraham numerous descendants even though at the time Abraham did not have any children. Because of this, Sarah, Abraham’s wife sent her slave girl in to produce a child, Ishmael, with Abraham. Even though Ishmael was Abraham’s son, the covenant God had promised was not designed for him, it was designed for Isaac, the child God had promised to Abraham. Sometimes it’s tempting to make our own Ishmaels and not wait for what God has promised us. But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength (Isaiah 40:31). I’ll be the first one to say that it takes a lot of strength to be single (and not bitter) but God will give you the strength to wait for the person He has for you and in the end it will be much more rewarding than settling prematurely. :)

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