Value in Christ
I've wanted a relationship for a longgg time (like since 7th grade long). I wanted to be wanted, I wanted to be appreciated, I wanted to be valued. I wanted to be loved.
That desire to be loved landed me in some uncomfortable and sometimes hurtful situations. I found myself repeating the same cycle with different people. Each time running back to God wondering why I kept falling into the same situations again and again. Eventually I sat down and made a list of what I was ultimately looking for, and it boiled down to a few things: love, value, worth, and affirmation.
Growing up, I've always heard that God is supposed to be your first love, but in writing that list, I finally got it. All that time I was thinking a guy was going to give me love and validation when in reality, I should have been looking to God to fill that void because that's a job no man can do.
The process in which I let God heal me was a satisfying one. I spent a lot of time in prayer and in the scriptures, discovering how valuable I was to God and how much He really loved me. Ephesians 1:18 from the Living Bible translation says this: "I want you to realize that God has been made rich because we who are Christ's have been given to Him." The fact that I made the God of all creation rich just showed me that I had to be special to Him. Again in Ephesians 2:10 (AMP) we're called God's own work of art. In Psalms 139:14 David writes, "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works." He looked at himself and started to praise God for the way God had made him. And in Jeremiah 1:5 God tells Jeremiah that "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you [and approved you as my chosen instrument], and before you were born I consecrated you." Again and again in scripture God is showing us just how much He cares about His creation.
I later come to a place where I felt like I wasn't dependent on a man to make me feel loved, or to affirm the fact that I was a person worth having. But I still wanted a relationship...and I got it. It was great, I had everything I wanted: someone to talk to, spend time with, do life with, etc. However, it later became evident that we weren't God's best for each other, and losing that relationship hurt. But what would have hurt me more were thoughts that plagued me two years ago before I let God heal me. That the loss of a relationship meant I'd lost my only shot at love, that no one else was going to love me, that I'd never get married, that I wasn't good enough. etc.
But even in the midst of the pain, I wasn't discouraged because I knew my value lied in Christ, not in my relationship status. There was someone greater that still loved me, and was in active pursuit of my heart. To know you're loved by someone is an amazing feeling. And to know that Jesus loved me so much He laid His life down for me, that God had a plan for my life before I was even born, and that He was working situations out so I would come to know His love...that is more than I could ask for. The most beautiful thing is that God is actively pursuing me. He wants me more than I want Him, and He'll never stop pursuing me. That is love.
On January 26, 2016 I wrote "Ever since I realized my value in Christ, I no longer rely on other people to make me feel special." That's when I knew I was free. Situations and relationships can change in an instant, but God doesn't and He never will. His love is still there and it's always available. Let Him love you and let Him give you a sense of worth, because when your value comes from Him, it can't be taken away.
That desire to be loved landed me in some uncomfortable and sometimes hurtful situations. I found myself repeating the same cycle with different people. Each time running back to God wondering why I kept falling into the same situations again and again. Eventually I sat down and made a list of what I was ultimately looking for, and it boiled down to a few things: love, value, worth, and affirmation.
Growing up, I've always heard that God is supposed to be your first love, but in writing that list, I finally got it. All that time I was thinking a guy was going to give me love and validation when in reality, I should have been looking to God to fill that void because that's a job no man can do.
The process in which I let God heal me was a satisfying one. I spent a lot of time in prayer and in the scriptures, discovering how valuable I was to God and how much He really loved me. Ephesians 1:18 from the Living Bible translation says this: "I want you to realize that God has been made rich because we who are Christ's have been given to Him." The fact that I made the God of all creation rich just showed me that I had to be special to Him. Again in Ephesians 2:10 (AMP) we're called God's own work of art. In Psalms 139:14 David writes, "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works." He looked at himself and started to praise God for the way God had made him. And in Jeremiah 1:5 God tells Jeremiah that "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you [and approved you as my chosen instrument], and before you were born I consecrated you." Again and again in scripture God is showing us just how much He cares about His creation.
I later come to a place where I felt like I wasn't dependent on a man to make me feel loved, or to affirm the fact that I was a person worth having. But I still wanted a relationship...and I got it. It was great, I had everything I wanted: someone to talk to, spend time with, do life with, etc. However, it later became evident that we weren't God's best for each other, and losing that relationship hurt. But what would have hurt me more were thoughts that plagued me two years ago before I let God heal me. That the loss of a relationship meant I'd lost my only shot at love, that no one else was going to love me, that I'd never get married, that I wasn't good enough. etc.
But even in the midst of the pain, I wasn't discouraged because I knew my value lied in Christ, not in my relationship status. There was someone greater that still loved me, and was in active pursuit of my heart. To know you're loved by someone is an amazing feeling. And to know that Jesus loved me so much He laid His life down for me, that God had a plan for my life before I was even born, and that He was working situations out so I would come to know His love...that is more than I could ask for. The most beautiful thing is that God is actively pursuing me. He wants me more than I want Him, and He'll never stop pursuing me. That is love.
On January 26, 2016 I wrote "Ever since I realized my value in Christ, I no longer rely on other people to make me feel special." That's when I knew I was free. Situations and relationships can change in an instant, but God doesn't and He never will. His love is still there and it's always available. Let Him love you and let Him give you a sense of worth, because when your value comes from Him, it can't be taken away.
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