#RelationshipGoals
“He who is satiated [with sensual pleasures] loathes and treads underfoot a honeycomb, but to the hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet.” (Proverbs 27:7 AMP) Over a year ago, I read this Scripture and the Holy Spirit dropped a bomb of revelation on me: I’d been the honeycomb tread underfoot, and I’d also been the hungry soul—the soul longing for and seeking and maybe even a little desperate for love, which caused me to be blind to bitter men—thinking that they were sweet just because they were interested in me.
Maybe that L word is a little strong for you, and you’re not looking for love. Maybe you’re just going through a dry spell. Like dryyyy, where your phone isn’t lighting up, no one’s sliding in the DMs, you’re not going out with anybody, it’s just you. Sometimes it gets lonely. You might not want a serious relationship, but just somebody to go out with sometimes, somebody to talk to, somebody to hang out with… just somebody.
Although we may not admit it, many of us are looking for some sort of connection—whether it’s a serious relationship or just someone to chill with. I’m talking specifically to people in my generation because I know a lot of us are lonely and we’re looking for someone to do life with. It’s evident every time I get on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat and my timeline is flooded with posts about relationships, being alone, cuffing season, relationship goals, etc. Many of us are seeking companionship or love and constantly coming up short. If you don’t believe me, look at all the articles out there on Millennial loneliness and then get on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Match, Clover, BLK, or any of the other dating sites coming out, and see the millions of profiles on there. Tons of people are on dating apps seeking relationships, hookups, or just something casual and I think that says something—our frantic search for a connection is only demonstrating the missing piece in our hearts that is a relationship with God.
When talking about love, we have to realize that people cannot love people the way that God loves people. The human romantic love we inwardly long for is only a reflection of the love God has towards us. The Bible describes the love between a husband and a wife as a reflection of the way Jesus loves the church, which is us! (Ephesians 5). Search the Scriptures and you will find that it’s all one giant love story between God and His people. As good as a man can love you, God goes infinitely beyond that. I think, perhaps (and I know I’m guilty of it), we become so fixed on the human reflection of love that we’ve forgotten what it’s reflecting.
If you grew up in church, you’ve probably heard the term “your relationship with God” thrown around several times. If you didn’t grow up in church, then maybe you’re at an advantage here. We have relationships with many people in our lives and they all take various levels of importance. I have a relationship with my dad, but I’m certainly not in a relationship with him. I have relationships with my friends, but I’m not in a relationship with any of them. When you’re in a relationship with someone, they become more of a top priority in your life. Throughout my life, I knew that I had a relationship with God, but I never felt like I was in a relationship with Him, which explains why every time I started talking to/dating someone, my relationship with God started to slip.
In order for our dating relationships to be the best they can be, and in order for our marriages to be the best they can be, and in order for our friendships to be the best they can be, we have to get our relationship with God right first. When we get in a relationship with God, we learn that He is our ultimate source for everything— emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually. He is the Great I AM. (Exodus 3:14) I think when we really grasp hold of this, we no longer look for someone else to do what God is supposed to do.
What would our lives look like if we allowed God to go in and heal us of every insecurity we have so that we’re not depending on outside affirmations to make us feel like we’re worth something? We’d have so much more clarity and confidence not to settle for someone we know isn’t from God just because they’re saying exactly what we want to hear. What if we let God heal our hearts from past hurts that way, we’re not pushing away good people in our lives that need to be there? What if we let God heal our hearts from the lack of attention we got growing up so that we aren’t doing anything just for the attention of others? And what if we learn to go to God first with our problems instead of our significant others so that we don’t wear our partners out with our every single issue. (After all, God has the answer!)
Although we may not admit it, many of us are looking for some sort of connection—whether it’s a serious relationship or just someone to chill with. I’m talking specifically to people in my generation because I know a lot of us are lonely and we’re looking for someone to do life with. It’s evident every time I get on Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat and my timeline is flooded with posts about relationships, being alone, cuffing season, relationship goals, etc. Many of us are seeking companionship or love and constantly coming up short. If you don’t believe me, look at all the articles out there on Millennial loneliness and then get on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Match, Clover, BLK, or any of the other dating sites coming out, and see the millions of profiles on there. Tons of people are on dating apps seeking relationships, hookups, or just something casual and I think that says something—our frantic search for a connection is only demonstrating the missing piece in our hearts that is a relationship with God.
When talking about love, we have to realize that people cannot love people the way that God loves people. The human romantic love we inwardly long for is only a reflection of the love God has towards us. The Bible describes the love between a husband and a wife as a reflection of the way Jesus loves the church, which is us! (Ephesians 5). Search the Scriptures and you will find that it’s all one giant love story between God and His people. As good as a man can love you, God goes infinitely beyond that. I think, perhaps (and I know I’m guilty of it), we become so fixed on the human reflection of love that we’ve forgotten what it’s reflecting.
If you grew up in church, you’ve probably heard the term “your relationship with God” thrown around several times. If you didn’t grow up in church, then maybe you’re at an advantage here. We have relationships with many people in our lives and they all take various levels of importance. I have a relationship with my dad, but I’m certainly not in a relationship with him. I have relationships with my friends, but I’m not in a relationship with any of them. When you’re in a relationship with someone, they become more of a top priority in your life. Throughout my life, I knew that I had a relationship with God, but I never felt like I was in a relationship with Him, which explains why every time I started talking to/dating someone, my relationship with God started to slip.
In order for our dating relationships to be the best they can be, and in order for our marriages to be the best they can be, and in order for our friendships to be the best they can be, we have to get our relationship with God right first. When we get in a relationship with God, we learn that He is our ultimate source for everything— emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually. He is the Great I AM. (Exodus 3:14) I think when we really grasp hold of this, we no longer look for someone else to do what God is supposed to do.
What would our lives look like if we allowed God to go in and heal us of every insecurity we have so that we’re not depending on outside affirmations to make us feel like we’re worth something? We’d have so much more clarity and confidence not to settle for someone we know isn’t from God just because they’re saying exactly what we want to hear. What if we let God heal our hearts from past hurts that way, we’re not pushing away good people in our lives that need to be there? What if we let God heal our hearts from the lack of attention we got growing up so that we aren’t doing anything just for the attention of others? And what if we learn to go to God first with our problems instead of our significant others so that we don’t wear our partners out with our every single issue. (After all, God has the answer!)
What if we take every case of abuse, neglect, and abandonment and lay it all out before Jesus—telling Him what happened, how we feel, and letting Him do the work of restoring our hearts. Psalm 34:18 tells us that, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” What if we are so in love with Jesus that we realize we don't have to be in a romantic relationship, so we stop throwing our pearls to pigs just for the sake of being with someone? (Matthew 7:6)
You know what I love about being in a relationship with God? You can be needy and clingy with Him. There’s security in relationship with Him. We don’t have to worry about getting on God’s nerves, talking too much, or being annoying. God always wants to talk to us! Revelation 3:20 reads, “Behold I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” Jesus is after communion and fellowship with us! God never hit ignore when I called. He never left me on read, and He never made me feel stupid for opening up with my feelings. He doesn’t play games, He doesn’t make you feel small, He doesn’t call you just when He wants something. I promise you, He’s everything you’re searching for in a relationship. The pursuit never ends with Him— as a woman, I love that. I saw a post the other day that said, “Imagine having someone that actually gets excited to talk to you.” We can all have that if we choose Jesus! Everyday God is waiting for us to come to Him.
James 1:3b-4 says, “The testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” I thank God for not giving me what I want, because I wouldn’t have learned that I needed to be in a relationship with Him. I thank God for the gift of singleness that’s working perseverance in me. God is working in me and healing me of all the past wounds that I was looking for other people to heal. Maybe God is allowing you to be single so that you can get in a relationship with Him. That way when the right man comes, you are totally complete in Him and you’re not carrying baggage or unfair expectations into a relationship.
God wants the best for His children in all areas of life. He wants us to have successful relationships. But I’m thoroughly convinced that our human relationships can’t be everything they were designed to be if we don’t get in a relationship with God and allow Him to be our ultimate source of fulfillment and satisfaction.
You know what I love about being in a relationship with God? You can be needy and clingy with Him. There’s security in relationship with Him. We don’t have to worry about getting on God’s nerves, talking too much, or being annoying. God always wants to talk to us! Revelation 3:20 reads, “Behold I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” Jesus is after communion and fellowship with us! God never hit ignore when I called. He never left me on read, and He never made me feel stupid for opening up with my feelings. He doesn’t play games, He doesn’t make you feel small, He doesn’t call you just when He wants something. I promise you, He’s everything you’re searching for in a relationship. The pursuit never ends with Him— as a woman, I love that. I saw a post the other day that said, “Imagine having someone that actually gets excited to talk to you.” We can all have that if we choose Jesus! Everyday God is waiting for us to come to Him.
James 1:3b-4 says, “The testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” I thank God for not giving me what I want, because I wouldn’t have learned that I needed to be in a relationship with Him. I thank God for the gift of singleness that’s working perseverance in me. God is working in me and healing me of all the past wounds that I was looking for other people to heal. Maybe God is allowing you to be single so that you can get in a relationship with Him. That way when the right man comes, you are totally complete in Him and you’re not carrying baggage or unfair expectations into a relationship.
God wants the best for His children in all areas of life. He wants us to have successful relationships. But I’m thoroughly convinced that our human relationships can’t be everything they were designed to be if we don’t get in a relationship with God and allow Him to be our ultimate source of fulfillment and satisfaction.
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